Dr. Dean, I Love You Madly

Dearest Dr. Dean,

You are everything that I've dreamed a DNC chairman could be. I never thought I could feel this way about the chairman of the DNC, but I can't deny it -- I love you.

You are perfection.

I love all the little things about you -- the way the veins on your neck bulge when you get angry and say something really stupid; the way you scowl; the way your eyes get even beadier when you talk about President Bush. I find all those things, and more, so very, very irresistible.

Dr. Dean, I do love you, madly.

Let me count the ways.

DNC Chair Dean: “All We Ask Is That We Not Turn Into A Country Like Iran Where The President Can Do Anything He Wants.” (ABC’s “Good Morning America,” 2/9/06)


DNC Chair Dean: “The Fact Is This President Has Not Listened To The Military Or Treated Our Military Properly.” (ABC’s “Good Morning America,” 2/9/06)


DNC Chair Dean: “The Idea That The United States Is Going To Win The War In Iraq Is Just Plain Wrong.” (“Dean Questions Commitment To Iraq Strategy,” The Associated Press, 12/5/05)


DNC Chair Dean: “[Our Troops] Don’t Belong [In Iraq].” (CNN’s “American Morning,” 12/8/05)


Dean: “I’m Tired Of The Ayatollahs Of The Right Wing … (Josie Huang, “Dean Calls For End To ‘Culture Of Corruption’,” Portland [ME] Press Herald, 10/23/05)


Dean: “Republicans Always Divide People.” (Carla Marinucci, “Dean: The Mouth That Won’t Stop Roaring,” San Francisco Chronicle, 6/8/05)


Dean: “These Guys [Republicans] Are Bad For Democracy. They Are Not Interested In Ideas But Interested In Power And They Are Not Interested In The Best Interest Of The American People.” (MSNBC’s “Hardball,” 10/6/05)


Dean: “The R.N.C. … They Love To Play The Victim. The Truth Is They Are A White Christian Party.” (ABC’s “The View,” 9/15/05)


Dean: “These Guys [Republicans] Are Bad For Democracy. They Are Not Interested In Ideas But Interested In Power And They Are Not Interested In The Best Interest Of The American People. That’s Why They Will Be Gone In 2006.” (MSNBC’s “Hardball,” 10/6/05)


Dean: “I’m Not Sure He [Chief Justice Roberts] Loves The American People.” (CNN’s “The Situation Room,” 9/9/05)


Dean: “New England Republicans Are Different Than Most. They Are More Reasonable And Thoughtful …” (Cole Manning, “Dean Works To Energize State’s Democratic Party,” Foster’s Online, 8/11/05)


Dean: “You Know, The Republicans Are Not Very Friendly To Different Kinds Of People. They’re A Pretty Monolithic Party. (Carla Marinucci, “Dean: The Mouth That Won’t Stop Roaring,” San Francisco Chronicle, 6/8/05)


Dean: “They [Republicans] All Behave The Same. They All Look The Same. It’s Pretty Much A White Christian Party.” (Carla Marinucci, “In S.F., Dean Calls GOP ‘A White Christian Party,’” San Francisco Chronicle, 6/7/05)


Dean: “[L]ord Knows This Administration Is Beginning To Erode The Core Of Our Democracy.” (DNC Chairman Howard Dean, Remarks At Campaign For America’s Future “Take Back America Conference,” DC, 6/2/05)


Dean: “[R]epublicans … A Lot Of Them Have Never Made An Honest Living In Their Lives.” (DNC Chairman Howard Dean, Remarks At Campaign For America’s Future “Take Back America Conference,” DC, 6/2/05)


Dean: “I Hate What The Republicans Are Doing To This Country. I Really Do.” (NBC’s “Meet The Press,” 5/22/05)


Dean: “Republicans Are All About Suppressing Votes ...” (DNC Chairman Howard Dean, Remarks At Campaign For America’s Future, “Take Back America Conference,” Washington, D.C., 6/2/05)


“Appearing On The Liberal Air America Radio In Minnesota, Dean Said Republicans Are, Quote, ‘Mean. They’re Not Nice People. They Want To Run Nearly Every Aspect Of Your Life,’ End Quote.” (Fox News’ “Special Report,” 4/5/05)


Dean Called Republicans “Brain-Dead.” (Peter Gorrie, “Spreading The Message,” Toronto Star, 3/20/05)


Dean On Republicans And Democrats: “This Is A Struggle Of Good And Evil. And We’re The Good.” (Joel Mathis, “Dean Roars Into Town,” Lawrence [KS] Journal-World, 2/26/05)


“During A Meeting … With The Democratic Black Caucus, Dean … Questioned Republicans’ Ability To Rally Support From Minorities. ‘You Think The Republican National Committee Could Get This Many People Of Color In A Single Room?’ Dean Asked To Laughter. ‘Only If They Had The Hotel Staff In Here.’” (Nancy Benac, “Dean Ready To Take Charge Of Democrats,” The Associated Press, 2/11/05)


Dean: “I Hate The Republicans And Everything They Stand For …” (Dana Milbank, “Dean’s Past As Prologue To DNC Future,” The Washington Post, 1/29/05)


Please, Dr. Dean, don't ever leave the DNC. I can't bear the thought.

I don't think I'd ever be able to love another chairman the way I love you.

My heart would break. I need you, Dr. Dean. I long to hear your every word.

Forever yours,

Mary