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From Tuesday's Tonight Show with Jay Leno:
JAY LENO: According to TMZ, the day after First Lady Michelle Obama unveiled the new USDA guide to healthy eating, President Obama was spotted in Ohio eating two chili dogs... That's two politicians this week getting in trouble for their wieners.
What a story this is! Yesterday, Congressman Anthony Weiner, now known of course as the 'peter tweeter,' that's who he is now. Well, he held a big press conference at a hotel in New York City where he admitted to everything. Did you see him standing in front of that microphone? I think it was a microphone.
See, this is why Twitter exists. Members of Congress can now send you pictures of their penises electronically. Remember the old days with Sen. Larry Craig? You had to get in your car, drive to the airport, find the airport bathroom, try to figure out which stall he's in, knock on the door. Now they send it right to your house. It's fantastic!
Well, you know this was gonna happen. A second woman has come forward now, and she says she has over 200 explicit sex text messages from the married congressman. She says they're very short messages, you know, like cocktail wieners. They're the smaller...
Anyway, yesterday, Weiner said he wanted to apologize to his constituents, especially the really hot ones. He feels bad about that. But he said there were six girls in three years, but he never had sex with any of them. Six girls, three years, and no sex -- Do you know what I call that? High school. OK? That was high school. That was high school for me.
And his wife, I guess his beautiful wife, Huma, she's a beautiful woman, if you've seen her. She is an aide for Hillary Clinton. And I guess Hillary called Huma to console her, while Anthony Weiner got a call from Bill going, 'Yeah!!!'
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Weiner jokes from Monday's Tonight Show here.
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