I rarely watch David Letterman, mainly because he's been doing the same tired schtick for over twenty years. After the first ten, I found that his wit and charm wore very thin.
I only tune in when I have a purpose. Tonight, I did because I had a reason--mad Dr. Howard Dean was Letterman's guest. I felt compelled to watch, the way one does when passing the scene of a horrible accident.
I missed the monologue, but I caught the bits he did after he got to his desk. Letterman went through a series of taped segments, ALL bashing Bush, Harriet Miers, and the government.
Letterman's Top Ten List: Thoughts going through George W. Bush's mind at this moment.
A photo of Bush using a hammer, working on a Habitat for Humanity project in Covington, Louisiana, earlier this week was put up as Letterman ran down his list.
Some examples:
10. "This should make up for me waiting a week to respond to the hurricane."
7. "Great, another thing I'm not good at."
6. "This is the kind of thing we should be paying Halliburton 800 bucks an hour to do."
3. "I've got to finish pretending to build a house so I can go pretend to comfort people."
2. "Georgie's gonna need another five weeks off."
1. "Only thing Clinton ever nailed was that hefty intern."
Aside from the occasional jab at Clinton, the anti-Bush "humor" was total and relentless.
It seemed like the sort of stuff you'd expect at a Dem fund-raiser co-hosted by Alec Baldwin and Rosie O'Donnell. Obviously, Letterman wanted to keep the lib audience tuning in tonight to see Dean happy. He kept the typical far Leftist drivel flowing.
Then again, maybe this had nothing to do with warming up the crowd for Dean's appearance. Letterman may do that sort of Bush bashing on a nightly basis. I wouldn't know, since I gave up watching on a nightly basis a long time ago.
Letterman introduced the mad Dr. as "Governor" Howard Dean. Apparently, he's not comfortable with the doctor title favored by the New York Times.
Of course, Letterman pitched mostly softballs, though he was tougher on Dean than Tim Russert or George Stephanopoulos.
Dean spewed the same sorry crap that he's been repeating since the 2004 primaries. Much of what he said was greeted with polite applause. I didn't hear any booing or calls of disapproval.
Not surprisingly, Dean ran down the list of Dem talking points. Blah. Blah. Blah.
Dean pounded away at what a failure Bush has been. He said Bush's legacy is that he has divided the country. "It's a sad legacy for any president," Dean said.
Letterman shot back at Dean a few times and landed some direct hits. He pointed out that a lot the things Dean was saying sounded like slogans he uses to rally support.
When asked about presidential candidates for 2008, Dean said that he thinks Gore could put in a credible performance and he is a "very bright" guy.
Letterman then asked Dean who the rank and file Dems would rather see run in 2008--Hillary or Gore.
Dean, naturally, refused to answer.
One thing that was really over the top was Dean's assertion that Republicans are not ready to embrace a woman as president. He came to that conclusion based on the response that Harriet Miers has received from conservatives.
I guess that sort of divisive rhetoric is to be expected from someone like Dean.
When Dean was talking about corruption in the Bush administration, Letterman said, "Wait a minute. It's not as though the Democrats have been scandal-free."
Letterman suggested that one should clean one's own house first.
Amazingly, Letterman pressed Dean on the ethics issue. I give him credit for not letting Dean get away with the Republican Culture of Corruption mantra that the Dems have been chanting lately.
Letterman then brought up the environment.
Dean said, "We have to get off foreign oil. We ought to be energy independent."
He talked as if the U.S. dependence on oil was something that started with the Bush administration.
Letterman then mentioned Dean's recent appearance on Hardball. During a discussion about Harriet Miers with Chris Matthews, Dean apparently was trying to criticize Bush for selecting nominees who wouldn't answer questions. He was trying to come up with an analogy and said that Bush couldn't play hide the salami with Miers.
I think I'll try to find that transcript. It sounds like it must have been pretty entertaining, unusual for Hardball.
Dean did say that Harriet Miers is extremely qualified. Clearly, the Dem strategy is to support her and sit back while the Republicans rip her to shreds.
Letterman ended the interview with the question, "Are you enjoying the new job?" Dean's answer wasn't too clear. It was somewhat drowned out by applause, but I did hear him say, "It's hard work."
Well, yeah. I can understand that.
It must be hard to be the head of a party that has nothing positive to offer the American people.
It must be hard to try to convince Americans that they share the values of the Democrat Party.
It must be hard to look like good guys when the Dems' only plan is to point out that the country is a total mess.
It must be hard to have to ignore all the good in America and cling to such a pessimistic view of the country and its people.
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UPDATE:
Complete Top Ten List, from CBS.com:
Top Ten Thoughts Going Through George W. Bush's Mind At This Moment
10. "This should make up for me waiting a week to respond to the hurricane"
9. "Dang, this is fun--I should bring a hammer to cabinet meetings"
8. "Why won't they let me handle the power tools?"
7. "Great, another thing I'm not good at"
6. "This is the kind of thing we should be paying Halliburton 800 bucks an hour to do"
5. "Do I get to keep the hard hat?"
4. "It's Hammer Time!"
3. "I've got to finish pretending to build a house so I can go pretend to comfort people"
2. "Georgie's gonna need another five weeks off"
1. "Only thing Clinton ever nailed was that hefty intern"
And the Top Ten also-rans:
"Don't hit thumb...Don't hit thumb...Don't hit thumb"
"Crap, I'm missing 'Still Standing'"
"Seeing this wood reminds me, how we doin' on deforesting Alaska?"
"Maybe Laura'll let me eat my ice cream out of this helmet"
"Hope they have some pumpkins here, so I can do my Gallagher bit"
"Is there any brush I can clear instead"
"Couldn't I just fly over in Air Force One?"
"Hammering nails this early in the morning doesn't help a hangover"
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