Sexist Pig Kenyan Monkeys

Monkey pigs

A group of monkeys in Kenya have no respect for women.

They engage in harassment that is so extreme that animal-control teams are being sent in to confront the boorish monkeys.

Kenyan monkeys make 'lewd signs' at women

A troop of monkeys has been making "lewd signs" at women and children trying to harvest crops south of Nairobi, and the farmers feel so harassed that Kenya’s Wildlife Service is sending in animal-control teams to confront the animals.

The monkeys in the Kabete area even earned a mention in parliament last month when the local MP Paul Muite said his constituents feared the monkeys would sexually harass them.

"Can the minister deploy game rangers in Karai location in Kabete to deal with the monkey menace?" he asked the tourism and wildlife minister, Morris Dzoro, to laughs in the chamber.

"These creatures have clearly shown that they have no respect for women."

Gichuki Kabukuru, a spokesman for Kenya Wildlife Service, said it was well known that monkeys and baboons have a penchant for harassing women rather than men, and even gesturing at them and touching their own private parts.

"That is quite true. I will not be able to give you a scientific explanation but it has been observed in the past," he said. "Even in our camps, when men are out on patrol and the monkeys see women and children, they will become very naughty and make lewd signs at them."

The monkeys reportedly appear at dawn. They are attracted to crops that are much easier to find than the berries and fruits they must scavenge for in the forest.

According to locals, the animals have become so aggressive that women have taken to dressing up like men, wearing trousers and long-sleeve shirts.

The animals steal so much food that there has even been a food shortage.

These monkeys are a disgrace. They are sexist pigs.

Why?

Spokesman for Kenya Wildlife Service Gichuki Kabukuru says he can't give a scientific explanation for the monkeys' behavior.

I think he wants to avoid controversy by giving that "no comment" comment.

I can think of a number of possible reasons for the behavior of these sexual harassing primates, as well as some knee jerk reactions from politicians to the monkeys' demeaning displays.

---Global warming probably has something to do with it. The monkeys are stressed and irritable, making them act out. They may be worried about stranded polar bears, condemned to drown.

---I suppose Russ Feingold would say that if not for the war in Iraq, if the Bush administration hadn't taken its eye off Afghanistan, this wouldn't be happening.

---And Barbara Boxer has blamed the California wildfires on the Iraq war, saying that "the ability of the state's National Guard has been compromised because too much of their equipment and personnel is in Iraq."

Of course, that's absolutely preposterous, but I'm sure she thinks that National Guard personnel and equipment would be better utilized in Kenya to put end to the monkey menace and their despicable degradation of women rather than being employed in Iraq. Anywhere but Iraq.

---I assume Harry Reid is drafting a letter to condemn the monkeys, and he's rounding up his colleagues to sign it.

---Pete Stark should blast the monkeys for making lewd gestures at women rather than helping to fund SCHIP, because he no doubt believes that these monkeys are doing it all for President Bush's amusement.

---We know Bill Clinton was in Africa, gathering romantic gifts for Hillary. Did Clinton influence the monkeys? Monkey see, monkey do.

---The UN should get involved, pass a resolution or something. Maybe even send in peace-keeping forces to control the monkeys. Watch for a Monkeys-for-Food scandal.

---Jimmy Carter should write a book about the crisis, analyzing why Israel's abuse of the Palestinian people has compelled the monkeys to harass women.

---There must be a racial component that Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton could exploit to feed their ego-driven agendas.

---Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett no doubt is outraged. Naturally, he would blame ILLEGAL guns for the situation.

---I bet Wisconsin Governor Jim "We should not -- we must not -- and I will not -- raise taxes" Doyle would do what he always does: Propose to solve the problem with a tax increase.

---In the end, is there any doubt that the sexist pig monkeys in Kenya are Bush's fault?

I think not.